I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Randomize
