I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
