My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
