I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
