I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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