I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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