lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize