fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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