He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
