Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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