I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
