Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
