why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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