Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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