your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
