Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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