I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
