dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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