i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
