and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
