normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
