Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Fuck appropriateness.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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