remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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