Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize