I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
