I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
