why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
