My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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