dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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