Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
