Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
