lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
