he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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