How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
this is an emotional support booty call
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
