While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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