I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
