walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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