just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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