My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize