Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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