Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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