omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize