Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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