that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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