Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
