i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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