just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
