call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
