I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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