he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
