you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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