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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
false alarm, still single
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
