And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
