i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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