just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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