she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
