i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
