so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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