hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
