I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
