I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
