There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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